Contemporary Women Art Exhibition

Downtown tonight at [Scene] Metrospace with Savannah

"My print series "Pressing the Issue" is about contemporary women's body issues. 
Each model was turned into a human collagraph, 
strategically coated with handmade ink and printed on frosted mylar. 
The series sets out to show every woman that she is beautiful no matter her height or weight. 
The whole idea is meant to be empowering for women, so that they can realize 
their inner strengths and see themselves as the truly inspiring human beings that they are." 
Artist, Kimberly Lavon


{real life: the two of us were getting into it, really feeling it...and then this tall, skinny, 
model-looking girl walked by and Savannah was all, "Oooh, I want to look like her,"
and then we laughed really hard.  And, now we're sitting here laughing some more, 
and now she's pretending to look at art and says with a fake smile, "I LOVE my body now!  
I just feel so EMPOWERED!"  


It's nights like tonight when I'm amongst art, when I'm laughing and talking 
about real life with my girls, that I feel good in my skin - that I feel empowered - far more 
than I do in a great pair of jeans, new highlights, or nice shoes.


Now watch, I'll probably wake up with my face all broken out tomorrow, think my blog is dumb, 
and I'll want to grow my hair out because Savannah said it looks like Owen Wilson.


Until then, cheers to the moments when you actually feel like you just might 
be an inspiring human being.}

A Day in the D.

 Snapshots…from an afternoon in Detroit. First stop, Detroit Institute of Arts. Because of poor planning, we arrived hungry. So, for the first half hour, Sydney was grumpy. Then, Savannah was grumpy about Sydney being grumpy. Not to be outdone, Somer started whining that Savannah is always mean while I began to question my parenting, why we ventured out hungry, and why I had kids. We made our way downstairs to the café and watched, as if in slow motion, the gate close right before our eyes. At this point, I was trying pretty hard not to get frustrated – with myself, with the museum, with life, and with Sydney as a scene began to unfold, revealing her age of 12 years and 362 days. After just paying the admission, I really didn’t want to jet for fast food after only a half hour of culture, so we walked a bit further, Sydney dragging up the rear, in search of vending machines. Classy. I crossed my fingers and prayed to all I hoped existed as I led my girls on a hunt for funyons and famous amos. We had hardly walked a few feet before hearing music – and then, there it was, just around the corner…a large, sunny courtyard that seemed to appear out of nowhere…with high brick walls all around us and a glass ceiling way up above. We tiptoed in and there in the back, behind the rows of people, was a tiny little café. With food. And, WINE. We stocked up, found a table, and waited for applause before opening our cellophane wrapped sandwiches and bags of chips. It seems these moments are always magical in our minds as we plan them, and then reality happens - whining. fighting. yelling. But, I sat there with my girls, our snacks, and my glass of wine, happy it had all just happened exactly as it had. Our rough start had made the moments that followed even sweeter. And, that may have very well been the best glass of wine I've ever had. For a moment, I felt like I was in a European country as I sat and sipped, taking it all in...the brick, warm sunlight, beautiful music, and my happy kids. The concert concluded and we browsed more galleries, mimicking sculptures and falling in love with a bright stairway along the way. When they closed at five, the friendly docents said good bye and insisted we return on a Friday night for activities and more live music.  From there, we headed to Greektown, via the people mover, for hummus and spinach pie. It was a really good day, much like this one.

Vulnerability = Community = Peace = Life.

I had a good day today. In fact, I've had a good week so far.

Last week was kinda...crappy.

Like Thursday.

I was shooting the Green Chemistry Conference all day in Ann Arbor. The flash on my camera was broken and the lighting was horrible. I was pushing buttons and changing settings left and right. Automatic. Manual. The director of the DEQ, who apparently knows me by name, was there. "Hey, Carin!" he said, with a big smile, "Ya gettin' some good shots?"

Sigh.

The governor was there.
Governor.
Of Michigan.

Along with press people with cameras and lenses much fancier than mine.
And, they were young.
Male.
Twentyish.
Hottish.

I can just hear them laughing on their way back to the newsroom.  "Did you hear the shutter speed on that poor girl's camera?!" "Dude! She didn't know what the F she was doing!" Followed by...raucous laughter. And, then all these award recipients were coming up to me with big smiles and business cards, asking me to send them the pictures I took of them with the governor. Damn, I kept thinking. Damn.  Nevertheless, I smiled.  And, tried to act like a badass.

During an off-duty breakout session, I found an empty room and called my mom in tears. And, then I rattled on about the rest of my life - which, quite frankly, feels anything but a dream, unless it's one where I'm running like hell and not moving.  And, she listened. Like she always does. Because she's a badass mom who never closes her eyes to my pain, even though I know it causes her the same.

Ok, here is the point in my post where I reread. And, then I delete. Because I worry someone is going to think I'm a victim or think that I perpetuate my circumstances.  Or, I'm afraid of rereading the next day and feeling, well...dumb. But, so often, I wish I'd blogged more throughout the last two years - just to look back and see how far I've come.  It would have been therapeutic. And then, of course, to help people. There's got to be another single mom out there with no money, shitty car, and not a lot of support who is up at midnight in tears googling single mom blogs - anything - just to feel like she's normal. Not alone. And not the cause of her circumstances. (Or maybe you're married...or without kids...fill in the blank...)

Because, let's face it.
Misery. Loves. Company.
No, I'm not miserable.
But, sometimes...life isn't dreamlike. Yes, we get back up. We brush ourselves off. We smile. But, what helps me through the crap is company.
Community.
Knowing...I'm not alone.

Scott Peck said, “There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.”

I'm confident my circumstances will change.  But, in the meantime, there are tough times.  I will keep smiling.  I will bust A to get ahead.  But, the beauty lies in knowing I am not alone, even though a lot of times, I feel like it.

So, here's to community.  Vulnerability.  Peace.  And, ultimately, this badass life.

Cheers.   

More about this week later...

kindergarten bound

Long day at work. Got home and had to go right to Somer's "end of the year open house", or so I thought. Remembered I needed to bring a dessert, so stopped at Meijer's on my way where we grabbed some cupcakes that tasted like chemicals. Arrived at school at 6:10, ten minutes after the "start" of the open house. To my surprise, little preschool students were arranged in a row, taking turns walking up to the front to receive their diplomas while announcing what they wanted to be when they grew up. Just as Joe accepted his diploma and yelled "batman" into the microphone, all eyes seemed to turn to me while I looked down at my daughter who had on an old Christmas dress, flip flops, and star wars sunglasses. Apparently, this wasn't just an open house, but an actual preschool graduation, with grandparents and dressed up moms and dads, not to mention, their preschoolers. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Part of me wanted to cry and tell them all that I used to be a stay-at-home mom - a really good one -who was at every halloween party in full costume and blowing whistles on field day. But I didn't. I smiled as the class all seemed to yell in unison, "SOMER!" And then I laughed, and started snapping pictures. Somer was not only oblivious, but seemed to be feeling very cool, very proud in her dollar store shades, never taking them off, even to receive her diploma. Later, we ate lukewarm pizza and bagged salad with bulk ranch dressing. And then Sydney said, "No one's eating our cupcakes, Mom."

And I laughed some more.

I feel like blogging...

but my laundry room looks like this.

sigh.

real life

"We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us ... how we can take it, what we can do with it ... and that is what really counts in the end."-- Joseph Fort Newton

Without going into a lot of detail, there are circumstances in my life right now that are crappy. Nevertheless, there is still beauty in everyday. I will continue to seek it, create it, add to it, blog it. Not to give an otherwise illusion of my life, but to give power to the positive. Because my thoughts become my words. My words become my actions. My actions, my habits. My habits, my character. I refuse to be a cynic. a victim of life. regardless of what the future holds, I will choose to make my life...but a dream.

(Not that there won't be reflective posts as yes, there is healing and beauty in that as well.)

Oh yeah...for all of you who joined me on the bench this weekend...thank you.

feeling a bit like this today...

wishing I had the luxury to

break down.

cave.

escape.

but, alas,

life goes on, with all it's changes.

and we get back up.

we dry our eyes.

and we move on.

because If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.

morning shots

Someday...

...if they ever complain about never having had enough clean socks as a child, I will quickly refer them back to these pages of the blog. Wednesday, March 26th, 2008. evidence. clear documentation of little girl socks that never made it to the hamper. socks were discovered under the beds. beside the couch. in the polly pocket box. just to name a few...

...all that was left in the orange juice carton this morning.

Someday...

I will miss this.

Sweet reminders of life with kids...on the floor of my car.