Monday, June 09, 2008

mango skins, pony-tail holders and God

here I am at my computer, looking around at the remnants of the before school rush. sticky waffle plates adorn my paint-chipped counter, along with mango skins, empty tuna cans, and a bag of celery. beside the bathtub lies a tiny pair of Cinderella underwear. goody ponytail holders with little girl hair still attached.

thinking about life. shedding illusions of how it should go. impending decisions loom in my mind. feeling like this. wondering where He is. I'm crying out. and yet, no replies.

So, I will do all I know to do. i'll hold tight to what I know. you're here. we cannot separate, because you're part of me. and though you're invisible, I'll trust the unseen...you're here and I'm never alone.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

And He is here in many forms and faces....and He tells you you belong to Him. Just like you alone can "read" the mango skins and pony-tail holders and know the story they tell of a busy mother, working and taking wonderful care of her little daughters, so God knows how to read the remnants of our life and help us bring order from them all. He takes the scribble of our life--the non-intentional and the intentional--and makes something beautiful. Be still...and the original means "stop striving" and know that I am God. Tuna cans and mango skins...not makin' the connection here...but I am sure there was one.

Heidi said...

Carin-my heart is heavy today...i wish i could help carry some of the pain for you. Sooo weird that you posted this...i found this card at the bottom of a box just yesterday and meant to pass it on to you today. I think this might be a sign that he is listening...with love and compassion...through a friend who lives in Naples ;) This is what the card read:

I hope today is filled with reminders of how special YOU are to HIM and how close HE is to you, and HIs heart desires what is BEST for you. His grace keeps you in HIS heart, HIS love surrounds you.

He is with you...I think he is in the mango peels, and hair covered hair ties, sticky waffle plates,...reminders to you that you are a wonderful mommy and a wonderful woman:)
xoxo

Tisha said...

I love you Carin Joy! My heart hurts with yours today, but I do know this - when I am weak, then am I strong. Jesus' strength is perfected in our weakness. When our faith is in Him, we can trust that by following our heart we are following Him. So listen to YOUR heart. I'm so happy we are reconnected.

carissa... brown eyed fox said...

i am sorry for your pain... truly. if i could sit there with you and hold your hand i would!

all things... ALL things... work together for the good... the promise! HE is with you... just like you said... just lean on HIM! lay it at HIS feet... jump in HIS arms... HE will carry you!

sending you love! holding you in my prayers! really wishing I could "really" be there to just "be there" for you!

Our Family said...

'shedding illusions of how it should go'

sounds like HE IS with you...those are the words of someone being carried by GOD.

we are all lifting you up carin.

Lisa Y. said...

I can't say it any better than all those who just commented before me. You are loved by so many awesome people. I wish we were all in the same room with you right now and could do a group hug!

Jennifer said...

Tears for where you are, my dear friend...I know oh too well what is in your heart right now.

It hurts. It is confusing. It is SO heavy.

I know you feel alone, but He is there for you...

He was there to pull you up out of bed to make those waffles for your sweet girls.

He was there when you combed their hair and kissed their foreheads, and gave them stability in their lives.

He was there to give you words of confidence and wisdom when your girl needed it so much from her Mommy.

He was there for you every single time you rised above the drama, and just looked out for the needs of your family at that very minute.

He is there for you every second through this. Just look in the mirror and validate how strong you have been, in every way, for your girls.

Trust the unseen. HE is working through you.

Love you.
xoxo jc

Stephanie said...

WOW! I don't know what to say, that hasn't been said already. I share many of the same sentiments and thoughts! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

the laundress said...

in the middle of not knowing how it should go or how it will go and not "feeling" Him, who loves you more than any other....is that certainty that while we don't always "feel" His presence...He is always there....and sometimes that place when He is unfelt is the scariest, but in the end the place where we truly know to trust Him more!

Kelle said...

Just sitting here crying. Wish I would have read this the second you posted it. Not that I didn't talk to you yesterday, but still. I cried reading all these comments...just wonderful people who care about you whether close or far away. Yup, He was there. He picked you out of the bed and gave you the creativity to make...tuna mango sandiches? lol. do tell...what is the connection?

mrc-w said...

I wish I could hug you through the computer... xoxo!!!