Sunday, November 23, 2008

not so happy things

I've been dreading this post. I've written, deleted, rewritten, and deleted again.
I don't like seeing the words in print. And honestly, who wants to read about
such things. I know I never did. Never wanted to put myself in those shoes.
Didn't want to feel afraid. Wanted to hang on to my white picket fence.
But it is what it is...

Just one month shy of fourteen years, my husband and I are separating.

No details...just want to move on with life and find the beauty in each day,
no matter the circumstances.

So, that is all.

30 comments:

Kelle said...

it shall and it will get better. this too shall pass and somehow, when the storm blows over, there will be sunshine and clouds again. love you.

Kulio said...

You are young and beautiful, and your children are loved beyond measure...this messiness is part of the guts of life and we so wish you didn't have to have any ANY darkness in your life. But keep us close - we love you and we want to hurt with you, celebrate with you...I agree with Kelle, I KNOW there are beautiful things ahead for you - even more than you can imagine right now. Peace and love.

Kulio said...

One more -- I used to go to this spiritual director who would always say, "And how do you think GOD sees that?" It always startled me to realize that God is never shaken up by my catastrophes. I just wanted to give you the image of God looking down at the Whole of your life, beginning to end, and saying, "Yep, that was a good one."

It is a good one.

Heidi Lee said...

I love you Carin.

I agree with Heather, keep us close.

I am here for you.

CFaith said...

I'm so sorry Carin. My heart breaks for you. You are a beautiful, strong woman, and you will make it through this.

Tisha said...

be sad.
be mad.
be hopeful.
be strong.
be loved.
be you.

i love you carin joy.

HWHL said...

Oh honey... my heart sank when I read this. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will pray for you and your 3 beautiful girls...

I'm so so sorry Carin.

Call me crazy - but even though I only know you through your blog - I know you are a good woman through and through - you will come through this SO strong.

Isaiah 41 just popped into my head - I don't even know what that scripture says but it just landed in my head... I think you should look that up.

Praying for you, my friend. Sending love and hugs to you.

HWHL said...

Isaiah 41:10 (I went and got my Bible and looked it up.... this is the verse that landed in my head!)

"Do not fear, for I am with you... do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will UPHOLD you with my righteous right hand."

It's all there, Carin. God has you so strongly in his grasp. Hold onto that promise and claim that. He will not let you go!

Our Family said...

you are strong...

paint that white picket fence a different color and hold onto YOUR dream.....

GrandpaC said...

My heart breaks for both of you and your daughters.

Uncle Bill

Anonymous said...

I did not have as many years as you, but I know the pain. Almost five years later and I am a stronger happier person than I ever thought I would be. That someone special is missing in my life, but God is good! Love ya!

JKreeger said...

Carin,
I know its been awhile since we've spoken. But I want you to know that I cry with you.. I cry for you and the girls. I cannot tell you how much I miss you. One thing I do remember was how strong of a woman you are. I have always looked up to you as a mother and a friend. You are such a beautiful woman. I hope we can talk soon. Let me know if I can do anything for you or the girls. I'm in Grand Rapids now..so it's not a very far drive:)
love you, love you, love you.
Jessica Davey-Kreeger

mrc-w said...

What a bummer :( I'm thinking of you guys!

Angie Seaman said...

Carin, my heart aches for you today. My first thoughts that came to mind are your friend that text's you a lot. "BABY YOU ARE FIERCE!" Just "BE"! Why those words came to mind, I don't know. I read them on your blog before and thought what an incredible friend she must be. Lean on her, the others, and the good lord above. I have a life motto or saying that I have embedded in my head thru the years. It is: "There will be years that ask and there will be years that answer. In the end, God never wastes pain!"

He doesn't! Hang in there. Stay tough. Be fierce but crumble when you need to as well.

Your blog BFF's are here for you. Although I don't know you personally, I feel comfortable in telling you that we are all here for you throughout the days and weeks ahead. Good luck to you sweetie - and yes...paint that picket fence a different color and hang on to those dreams. (as another post wrote above)

Blessings to you and your girls this holiday season. You are all in our prayers over here in Indiana.

In his grip, Angie Seaman
www.angelicagracedesigns.com/blog/
www.angieseamanphotography.com
www.angelicagracedesigns.com

Krista said...

love you and always here to listen if you need it.

Lisa Y. said...

Don't have the words...but I love you...and i'm hurting for you. Let us know what you need, and we'll try to help. Joann and I will plan a trip there very soon. I'm going to call her right now!

meg duerksen said...

i am sorry.
i don't know details so i don't know what else to say.
i am sorry it is what it is.

Stephanie said...

Carin,
I am thinking of you, and the girls! You are a STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT woman! You are such a role model and an inspiration for so many people! It will get better, I agree w/ Kelle! In the meantime, my thoughts and prayers are with you! I know YOU are STRONG, but when you need to don't be afraid to lean on family and friends...those who love you most to get you through the tough days! Love you!

Amy said...

Oh my dear friend! My heart is sad for you and your hubby! Life is hard for you and I know that you've got a faith in God to pull you both through this time. I will be praying that God will encourage you and see you through. You will be in my prayers!! I'll be back to check on you! ;)

Beth said...

I'm thinking of you and loving you....I don't have any good advise except be who you are strong, courageous, loving and beautiful for yourself and for your girls!

Always here to......encourage, listen, cry, laugh, or just help paint the fence, whatever you need.

Love you!

Anonymous said...

you are STRONG. you are BRAVE. you are an AMAZING mother. I will always be here.. no matter what. forever. love you! Barb

Anonymous said...

Heavy velvet curtains rise and fall with each act. The lighting changes with each scene. The characters come in and go out. But the stage remains strong and secure. Take your place...in the center...in the light...on cue...and feel the terra firma beneath you...and look in the wings and see all your supporting cast...this is your moment...Sing--loud and strong...to the back of the theatre and to the hightest balcony...and with each line, your voice gets stronger...and we are applauding...and you realize that you CAN. And God shouts Bravo! Three little girls are screaming--that's our mom. And as I say, stand strong and always be open for miracles. Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Heidi said...

admiring your strength and hunger to be happy everyday. go get you some sunshine, carin! you and your girls deserve it.
love you sweet girl.

Amy said...

I just read what your dad had to say...with support like that...you are going to ok girlfriend! You are a strong woman!! Amazing!

HWHL said...

I loved what your Daddy said, Carin.

You have some amazing support, girl. I have NO DOUBT that you will come through this just fine!!!

Actually, I take that back... you'll come through this BETTER than 'just fine'... you'll come through this stronger than you EVER even imagined!

they keep me laughing said...

i don't know what to say, carin. i am terribly sorry. i cannot imagine the thoughts, emotions, fears, etc. that you might be going through at this time. my heart aches for you and your girls. i hope you are able to find happiness again.

Kelly Hutcheson said...

Make it 28 comments! We are here for you no matter what and know you have the strength for this. You're middle name is "JOY" for goodness sake!! I love you.

Your dad's comments brought immediate tears!

As usual!

Find a mantra that empowers u and say it daily. 100 x daily!!

Gini said...

who wants to read such things?? we all do and that's why we read your blog - to come for the truth. reality is - it's not always about the good stuff, now is it?.....i am sad for you knowing all too, well myself that this will not be easy but will inevitably be whats best. good luck to you. xoxo

dig this chick said...

Oh. The old cliche saying about one door closing and another opening comes to mind. It really is true. And it is especially true if you pay attention and make it true.

You are seeking something you need and I just know you'll find it.

Hug from a Montana blog pal.

carissa... brown eyed fox said...

i am so sorry carin...
the words... where are they...
i have tried to type something a hundred times... NOTHING sounds "right"...
i just want to give you a hug...

wishing you nothing but beauty EACH & EVERY day...

you're in my prayers