feeling like my life is at a standstill. like I just can't get off these tracks.I so badly want to get to the other side. but it feels like it is so far away. so
much I want to say and just puke out uncensored because I believe that is
the only way to write -really write well - to speak with microscopic truthfulness. but for obvious reasons, I can't. and I won't. at least about all the messy stuff. but there is more truth to be told :o). there is more to my life than the messy stuff...anyway, tonight I am missing self portrait challenge. photo shoots. writing - that putzing and pondering and reworking for hours to get that simple piece that just feels right. and running. I really miss running. but this bitter cold outside is getting the better of me. until now. so, I'm getting a photo shoot on the books. I'm picking up my pen. I'm digging the nikes out of my closet.
stay tuned...
6 comments:
a: good song...and i love how, in this version, she starts with "this is for you, daddy." i wonder if her dad was her mistress. bwah ha ha ha.
b: you rock. you will run. you will write beautifully. you will take awesome pictures. ask any writer, photographer, painter, etc. it was the crappy times that totally turned them into brilliance.
c: two words: dear ellen. okay? this week...we're so on it. 'cuz we have to dance on her stage, 'memeber? and mom's gunna do the hokey pokey.
d: keep going forward. because forward is beautiful.
e: you are an amazing mom. hold it close.
f: the word verification is "clatet." say it. it will make you laugh. say it over and over.
g: i love you and can't imagine not having a sister as cool, as confident, or as amazing as you.
h: p.s. got a letter from grampa soldier butt today. and he said he's proud of you.
i: deer. meat. eat it. it's good for you.
j: watch mama mia.
k: just be.
l: fireman rescuing lady on roof of house. she's slipping...and her pants are falling off. her butt is showing... on national t.v. ...and she's hangin' on for dear life, all bare-butted. it can get worse, you know. you could be that lady.
you can do this.
you can get to the other side.
i believe it.
i know it.
you will be sailing soon.....
in FREEDOM.
sometimes it seems like it takes FOREVER getting to the other side, but when we look back we see that getting there was when we grew most.
hahaha! ok i cracked myself up trying to be profound.
i love you.
laugh.
it makes everything better.
my word verification is podiss. sounds funny and a little bit bad. like i am so podissed right now.
okay...
i started to go to weight watchers 10 months ago...paid $40 a month for ten months bc i forgot they were taking it out our account automatically...i went to a few meetings, never made a friend bc i didn't feel like i should make friends with people at WW...not sure why...that's stupid. anywho, while attending these Food Anonymous meetings, i would sit with my -.02 pounds, or -1 pound screaming in my ears (WHY NOT MORE...I'VE BEEN STARVING, just sayin')
i would see this guy(his eyes are darting back and forth and scanning the room), seemed like a nice enough guy, all into it, losing weight. we all clapped for him one night, think he had a good week. well, anyway...i think this is HILARIOUS.(if not, please delete this comment) right now, i am sitting at panera bread...THANK GOODNESS only sipping an ice tea. he is sitting across from me (i'm hiding my head behind my laptop screen)
NO LIE-in front of him are two rolls (that he is shoving in his mouth at lightening speed-seriously, i just pictured myself in slow motion running over to him and screaming, "NOOOOOOOO, DROP the empty carb-eat the apple!), TWO mega sized choco chip cookies, AND a full sandwich with chips and an apple, and A BOWL of soup. HAHAHAHAHAHAHALOLOLOLOLOLOLO I AM CRACKING UP OVER HERE whilst hiding my head of course. not that i care that the man is doing some major binging, i've done it, we all have i'm sure-but usually people don't watch especially your Food Anonymous friends. i dont' know why i find this so funny. i hope you did too.
if not, well, just know how many people think you are amazing and that this too shall pass.
ps even the thought of running outside in the freezing cold makes me put the covers over my head, good for you for digging out the nikes!!!! you amaze me!
pss kelle's right, MAMA MIA sounds like a good idea!!! OR you've got mail-its a toss up.
its cabin fever. yep, during these frigid winter months, we all need some spring and flowers.... it's come. you'll see.
picture this scenario to cheer yourself up;
if i am ever caught in the bathtub and my house catches on fire, i will take my lil washcloth and cover my face as i run outside naked. i figure they will see my naked chubby body but they will NEVAH know it's me!
lol
C
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