I moved today.
Out of my married home and into my own place.
I think something just kicks in - almost biologically - when you go through something like this. Moving, under even normal circumstances, is humbling...but even more so, when you're ill-prepared, as I was. Its not that I didn't think about it every day for months, because I did. Its not that I didn't put the word out at work for copy paper boxes, because I did. Its not that I didn't stop what I was doing altogether and attempt to pack, because I did. Its just that each time I did, I'd come across pictures...ornaments...baby blankets....remnants of another life. It was paralyzing. I had one foot in my past and one in my future, wondering what happened to the last fourteen years of my life.
Needless to say, there was little accomplished when help arrived - help that basically showed up, because I am not very good at asking for help. At that point, there is little left to do but swallow your pride as you watch friends carry out casserole dishes filled with random items like a bottle of hair mousse, a phone charger, and a lone spoon.
So, I sit here now, amongst boxes and paint cans, feeling both ecstatic and sad, wishing I could peek in on sleeping babies. But, it is what it is and I move on.
Needless to say, there was little accomplished when help arrived - help that basically showed up, because I am not very good at asking for help. At that point, there is little left to do but swallow your pride as you watch friends carry out casserole dishes filled with random items like a bottle of hair mousse, a phone charger, and a lone spoon.
So, I sit here now, amongst boxes and paint cans, feeling both ecstatic and sad, wishing I could peek in on sleeping babies. But, it is what it is and I move on.
