she rambles.

just type...don't reread...don't delete... 

class tonight.  I didn't want to go.  I am a bit behind.  so, technically, I should not be on my blog.  I don't like my writing class.  tonight was actually great, though, because I connected. with joan, who sits beside me.  human connection is rather limited these days.  except for hitting refresh on facebook.  need to change this. need to get brave again.  meet some people.  but, back to class.  I didn't want to go.  because I didn't go last week.  because professor sent email saying get to class.   but I am so busy. and, it's boring.  he reads from powerpoints.  two hours of MLA rules tonight.  why not a controversial writing prompt to stir our minds...not just about writing, but about life?  I like my history class.  really like my history class.  teacher is cool.  if I can connect with teacher, I work harder.  history teacher likes me.  history teacher gets me.  do I need everyone to like me?  my sister would tell me I'm looking too deep.  I need a little positive feedback.  more than I thought. too much criticism paralyzes me.  yes, I want to get better.  just build me up a bit first.  believe in me.  I'm rereading.  wanting to delete.  the killers just came on pandora.  turning up music.  I should turn it down.  but it is the killers.  neighbors will understand.  and normally on thursday nights, neighbors sound like they are jump roping. with tow truck chains. in wooden shoes.  back to class.  we meet in the computer lab.  I was bored.  again.   I ducked below the screen and whispered to joan, "how many classes have you missed?"  "Three," she whispered back, before adding, "I'm bored out of my mind." and I wanted to jump up and down.  because I felt understood.  I love feeling understood.  holly understands me.  eating cucumbers right now.  joan rocks.  my dad is going to call and tell me not to miss class.  but then I will tell him about my history class.  and how my professor told me I make him think.  that sounded vain.  I don't like vain.  but I can't delete.  ate lunch on a bench just outside of the capital.  or is it capitol.  can't delete.  back to lunch.  street vendor.  I got the cart special.  thick pita...with grilled chicken, bleu cheese, dried cherries and walnuts.  lunched in good company.  three of us sat on the bench under a cloudless sky, eating cart specials.  I took a mental picture.  and another at Sav's volleyball game. where she hugged me.  and called me mama. 

it was a good day.

g'nite.