Despite the aforementioned breakdown, I had a good day. had to get it out of my system. complain. gripe. cry. yell. feel. I recently had someone imply that God might not be in my life because I asked where he was. yet, I think questioning only endears us to God. that is what he wants from us...not robotic obedience, but a relationship, however raw and messy it may be. and like any relationship, there is fighting, because we fight for what we love.
spent lunch hour at my favorite spot, schuller's books. wrote down these thoughts..."I've learned that there's something to being truthful...the truth is at every piece of creativity...whether it's depair, hope, or ambition. isn't that what all real art is, truth? truth is beauty." (bono)
and speaking of art, the above masterpiece is a recent creation of my lovely daughter, savannah joy, whose creativity I cannot help but celebrate.
finally, thank you for all the loving comments and emails regarding said breakdown. I am touched.
p.s. this post is dedicated to my mom who gleefully called me at work to tell of her weekend adventure...going down multiple water slides, each one bigger and scarier than the previous, or so she said. I love her.
17 comments:
that is Savannah's artwork? Seriously? WOW! She is very creative. Just like her mommy...and her poppa, and her aunt kelle....your family is so talented! I am impressed with her art work!
First, that artwork is INCREDIBLE!! Second, your're right. Questioning where God is does NOT mean He is not there. He has promised He will NEVER leave us or foresake us. I think that there are just times that we don't "feel" Him close, whatever the reason, but He IS still near. I've had those times that hurt so bad I didn't even have the strength to pray or "feel" Him, but my head always knew He was there with me. Hurting with me. Loving me. Nothing can ever change that. I love you!
I can't stop thinking about whoever it was that said that...about God...it makes me sad for them...and curious as to what and where they develped their sense of Him...and sad that they must not have a relationship with Him that is all it can be...questions, doubts, fears and all! He does want that, our questions...and mess, I think thats why he gave us free will and choices..so we wouldnt be robots...
k..so thinking about all that is kinda gettin me fired up...love you
I agree with Joann, and when we're at our lowest, and unable to feel because of our own pain, is when we rely on friends and family to intercede for us and even remind us that those people are being Jesus to us. (Did that make sense? It sounded so profound when it was just a thought in my head.)
Can't wait to see more from Savannah. As someone who has absolutely no artistic ability, that gift always amazes me!
Wow, I thought that painting was some sort of famous abstract art work from a museum! Now I find that it's even better because it was made by one soon to be famous Savannah Joy! I wonder if I should commission one of her pieces early before her artwork prices skyrocket!
I think most people when feeling low start to doubt that God is near. It's after feeling that aloneness when we feel the closest to God. He sends some sort of reminder be it through family, friends, his creation, his Word, or blog comments that he is here closer than we imagined.
I have so much to say to this post...so, I'll organize it:
A: That artwork is amazing...I would have never ever guessed it was hers...thought it was from a museum! She has "it"...the gift!
B: I guess I just feel sorry for whoever said that about God. Sad that they don't realize He's with us whether we search for Him or not. I used to think He wouldn't "appear" to me unless I begged, searched, crawled "looking" for Him...then realized that's so not true...like He's just some cruel person who's amused by us begging and decides to give in and "show himself" on what? fifth beg? sixth one? He's with you when you ask, when you don't ask, when you're angry at Him, when you don't know the answers. So sad for that person...'cuz they're probably always going to be doing what they think is "searching" and never find Him.
Was mad too at the comments under the UTube video. Someone wrote that this can't be a real song about God because she swears. Get over it. People swear. Uuuuggh. I'm so over judgmental peeps.
C: I too got Mom's exciting call last night, telling me about the scary water slides and then she said, "Kelle, you would have been so proud of me." And it took me a minute after I got off the phone to grasp the depth of that conversation. I am proud of her. She IS modeling what I need to be as a woman just by what she did...tackling the water slides, one at a time.
My towel's ready, my goggles are on. Ready for the next water slide.
Love you.
When I saw that artwork I thought it may have been something in your book that you were reading...it's beautiful! I would love to have it hanging on my wall...I thought of the title 'God's Eye'....
It truely is beautiful!
God is all around you dear! He sees you at this moment...watching and caring for you...although you may not feel Him or the presence of Him...He's right there along side of you!
beautiful artwork savannah!
what a victory your day was! thank you for the update.
recognize it-
name it-
speak it-
feel it-
growth?!?!?!?
you're awesome carin!
and AMEN to our mothers still 'braving waterslides' who could set a better example than that!!!! what a lesson for all of us.
Carin -
Just remember one thing. Nothing in life stays the same forever. We all have ups and downs. Just try to hang in there and deal with everything the best way you can. Before you know it, it will be behind you.
And thank God for girlfriends (which also includes your mommy!).
:-)
"Skepticism is the beginning of faith." ~Oscar Wilde
I knew I liked that guy for a reason. And to me..questions only mean we're seeking answers...as long as we're searching...God will always be there...of that I'm certain.
Savannah is truly amazing...but you already knew that!!!
Whoever implied that God might not be in your life either doesn't know you or how God works one of the two or both. What I see in you right now is Love for people, character, strength, courage, And a whole lot more all from your desire for God and seeking what he has for your life.....So don't believe that lie for one minute that's what it is.....I Love You!
Forgot to say I love, love Savannah's picture.....and your moms adventure! Tell Sav I said what a great artist she is!
I love Savannah's masterpiece!! I love God.. he's always there!! I love your "brave watersliding" mom!! Love that you had a good day. :) ~Jill
HOLY ARTWORK BATMAN-that picture is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! It needs to be hung somewhere where people can stand in front of it and talk, and admire...wondering what was in the artist's mind at the time...:)
Loved what you wrote about God not wanting us to be robots of obedience...Amen sister:)
God desires honesty and tell us in His word that an honest answer is even like a kiss. We grow in disequillibrium--when we are bumped off that stayed position...sort of like a 57 year old lady discovering the thrill of a waterslide. It is daring to jump and trusting you will land safely. Even your dear grandmother, who had a servant's heart and long ago, surrendered her will to God, admitted to me that she had "shouted" at God and asked, "Are you deaf?" when her heartfelt, loving prayers for her husband's chronic condition of pain did not leave. I think God said, "Now we're talking, Dorothy!"
It is in those honest and real exchanges that we connect. God is. He is--with or without us. We are privileged to enter His "is" and pluralize it when "We are" in relationship. He loves us in His discipline and in his providence...and He loves us through our obedience and our rebellion. He is bigger than our greatest questions--and those who want to quiet our questions must not understand his strength and invitation to inquiry. The result of your questions, Carin, will be a deeper and more dynamic relationship with Him. Ask on. I love you.
that piece by Savannah is incredible! seriously mom... you have an artist on your hands! wow!
great post... great thoughts! you are SO right... it is in the relationship... your walk with HIM! he IS with you even in the lions den!
love to you!
oh... way to go... your mom! slip sliding away! woohoo
Hey Carin! I stumbled across your blog and I was so stinkin' excited that I did! I miss you guys so much! And your photographs are AMAZING!
~Candice
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