rough drafts.

Chilly morning...brought back stay-at-home mom memories...those mornings I'd grab a hoodie and linger a bit longer with my coffee, feeling sorry for all those who were employed.  Oh, I was insanely happy at home...I'd wake every day with such anticipation...what will I do today, I wonder?  Mmmm....I rather like the word linger....a charming word, is it not?  It is nearing 10 and again....I've got nothing.  Though a few hours ago, a million perfect posts were swirling in my mind and I could hardly contain myself.  So, I will just shoot from the hip and let 'er rip.

I am sorry to report, the Gap Chinos are too big.  Drove me crazy all day.  Every time I got up from my desk, I had to put my hands in my pockets to secretly hold them up.  You see, that is the potential problem with thrifting.  There is this tendency of....shopping out of context, shall I say.  You tend to measure all your discoveries against the thrift store standard, as opposed to your normal standard.  I've come home with a loot before, really thinking I hit the jackpot.  Mind you, there are those times when I have, in fact, struck gold.  And, then, there are times when I get home and say, what the hell was I thinking?  This shirt is like, five sizes too big and I was so suckered by the jcrew tag.

Went to class at 6:10.  I had to act cool and hold back my enthusiasm.  You would, too, if you entered the classroom as the professor was writing, "You don't know what you think until you write it," on the whiteboard.  I wanted to stand on top of the desk, salute, and say, "Oh, captain, my captian." (Dead Poet Society).  I felt like I was in a movie.  Then again, I feel like that a lot.  Tangent.  Sara Bareilles just came on Pandora.  Gravity.  Song always makes me cry.  I love that I'm not who I was.  I love how strong I feel.  How strong I am.   And then a song like this comes on and I can't stop the tears.  While I am quite happy with who I am today, I still remember who I was yesterday.  And I am sad for that girl. 

But, back to big, strong girl  (another weepies song). 
I like this class.  Honors Composition.  Honors!  Am I showing off?  I was taught to be so...meek and humble...to "let another man praise you", but yet I felt like yelling to the lady at the post office that I'm taking an honors course!  Oh, I admit, I may truly hate the class in a month as I tend to fall in love with the idea of things more than the actual harsh reality....but, still....I am choosing to relish this moment, despite how I think I might feel in a month.

This professor has a novel in his drawer....150 pages...and, then he realized it was crap.  And he went on to say that he spent days....weeks...months....on these 150 pages....only to realize the novel should actually begin at page 151 and that he had spent precious moments of his life creating 150 pages of...dookey.   And, then he went on to talk about the whole process of writing....and how those months were not in vain....but necessary...and, how they only made him better....only helped him arrive at what he really wanted to write about and that he would have never arrived at his final draft without creating his rough draft...his 150 pages of dookey.  Oh, I am not doing this justice at all....but, all I could think of was life...with all its "mistakes" and lessons...and how they're never in vain....but how they just make us better and help us arrive at our final draft... Oh, I was so feeling it...so hearing violin crescendos somewhere in the Arts and Sciences building, and yet was so trying to sit cool and slouchey in my MSU  tshirt (that was for you, Holly), hip jeans and old navy flip flops, much like all the other young twenty somethings.

And, speaking of these young twenty somethings....they are so cool....with big, huge dreams in the midst of their purple hair, abercrombie shirts and coach purses....and i just wanted to cheer them on....and tell them to never give up...no matter how many rough drafts it takes...and, that every detour is good...just a part of their journey...and will only lead them, in time, closer to their final draft.

And, that is all for tonight.