I am alive.
And, once again, don't know where to start.
So, bear with me while I grab the WD40 and grease these rusty wheels.
Since my last post,
I advanced to the next round in my speech contest and won second place. Now, if you were across from me right now, you'd see my shoulders fall and you'd likely sense a bit of contrived joy at such accomplishment. You might tell me to get over myself. You might say, "Who do you think you are, Carin?" And, I'd likely hang my head and say, I know. I know. I should be proud.
And, I should.
My beloved Sat had a blowout on the highway.
My sister's book was released and hit the NYT best seller list. So cool. So surreal.
My middle started track and yearns for her coaches to believe in her.
My youngest started yet another season of soccer with the best group of girls and lives for an after-school scrimmage.
My eldest took a pop fly ball to the mouth at softball practice resulting in a long evening in ER, prolonged orthodontist bill, but most significantly, an opportunity to comfort, push, and bond.
I discovered First Aid Kit station on Pandora combined with a glass of wine, combined with Scandinavian blog perusal makes for a lovely evening.
I painted my dresser, thrifted a new duvet cover, pitched crap, and thus, created a haven in my bedroom.
I've tried to set more mother/daughter boundaries with said new haven. But, then just as soon as I get all these...strict rules in my head and these angry, assertive "I need my space, from now on life is going to be like this" speeches, they all climb in my bed on Friday night and we talk serious about life, followed by laughter, followed by silence, followed by, "I love you, Mom."
I bought an iMac.
I feel guilty about purchasing an iMac.
Even though it was refurbished.
Even though our old laptop was missing keys.
Even though we had to learn braille to get on Facebook.
Even though "affordable PC's" were only a hundred dollars cheaper.
I was asked to emcee Earth Day at my work last week...just two days before the event. It was a big deal. Total score. Colleagues were present. Directors were present. Legislators. The Lieutenant Governor. Lots of little kids. Parents and principals. And, most importantly, Sydney and Somer. I felt like Erin Brockovich.
Yes, I am alive.
Quite alive.
G'nite.
Your turn. I'm curious...what do you like to read about on here?
17 comments:
Congrats on the speech! :)
And you deserved the mac. Everyone deserves a mac!
Carin, that's a lot of stuff going on, no wonder you've been not around in this space.
But selfishly, I have to say that I miss your posts. Your photos. Your thoughts.
Yes you should be proud of yourself, we are proud of you. (I also know that I beat myself up all the time when I don't realise my own expectations).
Having read Kelle's book, and read how you comforted, encouraged and got her through some of her pain, I wish I had an older sister just like you. (maybe you wish you had an older sister sometimes too!)
Sorry that probably sounds corny, but your wisdom and clarity around what really matters in life blew me away.
The iMac purchase is totally understandable. We have a ridiculous collection of apple products and have both converted at work too. Once you go there you can't go back.
Lastly I'm glad you rocked the MC role, even if you didn't do the slits, or splits as suggested by your father! ;)
You make me proud to be your bff.You rock it out everyday. xoxoxoxoxo! Love you!
I know the bittersweet second place can be, but seriously GO YOU. and in a few weeks you will stop feeling guilty about the mac and wonder why you didn't buy one sooner. plus, you'll make up that $100 in not needing anti-virus software so really you got the better deal :)
glad you are alive, glad you are blogging again.
I read your blog because you are an inspiring woman. You make me want to go out and do amazing things that I never thought I could accomplish. I love reading (& looking at your pictures) because it always seems whatever trials and tribulations you may be going through, you are still having fun and living life to its fullest. I wish I had friends like you & yours who are positive, fun, and uplifting.
I love reading about what you have overcome, to simple things such as your day to day life. Thank you.
Many congrats on second place (which is still utterly amazing) and your speech. You were given those opportunities because of your striking talents and gifts, you know....ones I particularly admire as well. So glad to get an update! And I vote for a picture of the new bedroom haven....
I think 2nd place completely deserves and iMac. You should be so proud. I know, I know...if you get a silver in the Olympics you might still wish for the gold....but seriously, the silver is still the bomb! ;-)
You have been busy! I love hearing about anything and everything. Perhaps you could share your speech? Pictures of your painted dresser? More about Earth Day? Do you have to run from the Paparazzi now that Bloom is out? ha!
Jill B (Overland Park, KS)
Have you ever considered writing a book?
Glad to hear that life is all good. Congrats on all the speaking stuff. Ya done good kid. I'm sure that many more opportunities are on the horizon for you.
So, is the Sat dead? If so, I highly recommend Volvo. I'm not ashamed. I love my Volvo.
Elliot.
Hi!
I like reading your blog because it's often introspective, relatable, soul-searching stuff. And, you share the coolest links. Ever. I love when you link-up cool things that I otherwise would never have seen. That keeps me coming back, too. Your blog has a very REAL vibe which is refreshing in a world that can be a sesspool of contrived and shallow, ya know? :) You come across as a very down-to-earth, no-nonsense, chick Like, if we were neighbors, we'd be slinging-back beers. So, aside from one or two fashion blogs I follow (okay, that sounded shallow, but moving on...), I love a healthy shot of relatable realism that's inspiring. And I find it here. Your posts often make me say, "Shit, yeah, I've felt that way, too."
I have a blog rec for you: Check-out The White Elephant in the Room by a young New Yorker (a Berkeley transplant..which makes her even more awesome)- she's a widow who rocks it out and the writing is, again, relatable. YOU WILL LOVE IT. Ya'll would be best friends. http://whiteelephantintheroom.tumblr.com/
(and congrats on the speech!!!)
I just like reading about the realness of YOU. Of course, I love the rainbows and unicorns (ETST reference) but I also love that on your blog and Kelle's I can be reminded that I'm a normal mom facing normal stuff.
I do wish I knew you personally so that you could've kicked my butt for being so disappointed when I found out the baby I'm carrying is a boy (I have a girl and while I didn't realize it, I really wanted her to have a sister.)
I think that you getting to emcee Earth Day is fantastic. Again, I wish I knew you well enough to witness the cool stuff you do.
Welcome back, Carin. Missed you. I too have gone AWOL from my blog...lots of shit going on. Congrats on taking in second. First place often requires Vaseline to get one's head back through the door, so you saved your hair. That's how I look at these things. Kelle's book? My sister was crying so hard and so often on the plane that several Belgian ladies thought someone in our row had died. Led to much tittering in Flemish, which made me giggle.
As for questions for you? I'd love for you to answer the ones currently sitting up on my blog (post titled "Life's Secrets, according to you...). I'm collecting responses over the course of the next few months to compile short essays on each of them, and would love to hear your thoughts. It's the kind of stuff I want to share with my kids one day.
Elliot - rock on Volvo nation.
I love reading what you write.
I would like to hear... wait, let me preface this by saying that I udnerstand a blog is a small glimpse into someones actual life and that what you allow the world to see is just a small piece of what your every day consists of. THat being said - I see a mom that is fun and open and honest with her kids, whom she seems to adore and whom they seem to adore in return. I see someone that is honest in everything she does, that is trendy and outgoing and funny and that is trying hard to make a really great life.
SO, my question is - you seem very hard on yourself, and I'm wondering if you really are and if you see that you are and why?
i just turned 24. i read your blog because it's real & honest & makes me feel a little less lonely.
i'm awkward & misunderstood & have the self-confidence of a mouse. i want to know what you would tell your 24-year-old self.
Thanks for the comments! I might post some dresser shots soon and maybe the speech.
LeeAnn, yeah, would love to write a book!
Elliot, Sat isn't dead, but LOVE volvos.
Janita, loved the questions and will try and answer!
It's been awhile, just catching up on your blog. I loved this one. I think my favorite thing about your writing is that you're honest, and also sincere. I appreciate when someone notices how lovely imperfections can be. One of my favorites was the entry about the kids not eating the cupcakes you brought to your daughters class. I think LeeAnn is right. I think you should write a book. Great job on the speech and Earth Day btw!!
Thank you, Karey Culp :)
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