wide awake.

Not long ago, I went to Rite-Aid for a can of cat food, dish soap, and a six pack.

I wasn't sad or down, but it wasn't one of those times where I was screaming, Yes! I'm divorced and I'm single and my life is one fabulous adventure! There was no carpe diem. There were no handsprings. It was just a regular day.

Not so for Tammy the cashier.

"Looks like someone is going to feed the cat and do some dishes tonight," she said, winking and smiling before breaking out in full laughter.

"And drink some beer," I added.

She laughed harder, her head tilting back as she slapped her hand on the counter, knocking over a box of chap-sticks. I paid for my goods and wished she had been in attendance for the speech on The Sat.

I failed to tell Tammy that my evening might also include inhaling nachos, taking a bath, and checking Missed Connections.

As every strong and independent woman knows, she must embrace reality.  She must save herself.  But every once in awhile, the delusions dangle and you just can't help but try them on again to really be sure they don't fit. It could be different this time. I bet lots of people find true love on Craigslist.

Blonde woman in East Lansing Meijer - 40 year old man for woman

I am blonde.
I live in East Lansing.
Chills.

40.  I bet he's established. Distinguished.

I open the link.

This goes out to that absolutely fabulous blonde, about 5'1" who knocked over an aisle display last Tuesday. You had an amazing presence with intense eyes.  Let me know what you almost sent flying at the store and maybe we can meet.

I immediately recalled the events of the previous Tuesday, convinced that not only had I connected with this man, but there was a god and he was, at this very moment, ordaining a very blessed union of souls. It was cosmic. Providential. I could feel it. I leaned back in my desk chair to look in the mirror and examine the intensity of my eyes.  I stood and assessed my presence, wondering if it could pass for amazing.  I tried to figure out what he possibly could have construed as flying through the air, and decided if it wasn't my heart, it was a roll of Bounty I was discarding in exchange for the generic brand.

I wasn't looking to date or be in a relationship and didn't even feel that lonely, despite mentions of a cat and six pack. But, to be honest, I did just want to escape and imagine for a moment, that a man was taken with me.

I made another plate of nachos, cracked open a beer, and climbed in the tub. The jacked caulk job hastened my descent from cloud nine as I returned to reality: I have bad posture, I never knocked down an aisle display and was never even at Meijer's that Tuesday.  And, 40 very likely sells taquitos at 7-11 and wears double-bar glasses with transition lenses that never return to clear.

While there are times when I miss the land of naiveté with it's illusory streets of gold, prince charmings, and picket fences, I have found the road to reality freeing.

I was in the dark 
Now it's clear to me that everything you see isn't always what it seems 
I wish I knew then what I know now 
Wouldn't dive in 
Wouldn't bow down
I'm wide awake, not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece and landed on my feet  
I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself
God knows that I tried - seeing the bright side
I'm wide awake, I'm not blinded anymore...Katy Perry

And, I'm not against prince charmings, picket fences, or the bright side.

So long as I'm wide awake.

For more about Missed Connections, including the illustration above, click here.