For every awesome relay weekend and every magical day jumping off piers into Lake Michigan, there are shit days.
My dryer just broke.
My hair is cut too short in the back and feels manly.
My rented house is sinking.
I have yet to start my bachelor's program.
I'm still a secretary.
Which reminds me of The Untold Story of The Awesome Relay Weekend.
The team van arrives in my driveway.
I climb in.
The team van arrives in my driveway.
I climb in.
I kind of know the couple who recruited me, but everyone else, not so much.
I quickly learn they have graduate degrees. Nice houses. Not only are they model classroom moms, but they're active on the school board and go to war with administration.
While I blog.
While I blog.
Social anxiety immediately sets in.
They can tell my house is sinking.
They think my hair is manly.
They think I'm a mommy blogger.
They think I'm a mommy blogger.
The conversation moves to divorce and therapy.
I chime in.
I say some things that make sense, but only because I've had my share of therapy, not to mention, family dysfunction.
"Carin, what do you do?" said one of the occupants, smiling.
Fuck.
He thinks I'm a therapist.
"I'm actually a dentist," I thought about saying.
The words that followed rolled off my tongue in slow motion.
"I'm a SECRETARY."
The woman I know tried to come to my rescue, "Aaaand...she's a PHOTOGRAPHER!" she said, with a big grin on her face.
Shit.
At this point, it was so awkward I wanted to laugh. For real - I wasn't just imagining it was awkward. It was. Like the speech on The Sat.
But, I smiled and moved on because I know she is just trying to reach out.
[This is the part where I have to tell you to laugh and not leave comments like, Oh my GOD, you ARE successful because you have LOVE...or Oh my GOD you just need to believe in yourSELF and then others will believe in you...or, Oh my GOD, who cares what people think...]
But, I smiled and moved on because I know she is just trying to reach out.
[This is the part where I have to tell you to laugh and not leave comments like, Oh my GOD, you ARE successful because you have LOVE...or Oh my GOD you just need to believe in yourSELF and then others will believe in you...or, Oh my GOD, who cares what people think...]
Because for the most part, I don't care what people think. If I did, I'd still be married. If I did, I wouldn't talk about atheism in a family of believers. If I did, I wouldn't say that I might go gay for Rachel Maddow.
(but to say I don't care at all would be a lie)
(but to say I don't care at all would be a lie)
Fuck.
What do I do?
Next question, please.
Next question, please.
29 comments:
I literally laughed out loud. I also really hate being asked that question. try explaining to people how you quit a job making over 100k to move across the world to Taiwan [not somewhere "cool" like Europe] and.... have no career at all. even after a year, my dad is still in denial about it and tells people I do consulting work even though I turned down the only offer I had. better to have a bachelors you probably will never use again, or to wait later in life to get a degree you know you will actually use?
Thank you for laughing, Jamie! And, your dad telling people you do consulting work? I am laughing.
I hear you about the degree...with all the school debt I'm racking up, I have to wonder sometimes!
I'm a lawyer, and honestly, I hate telling people what I do for a living. It's so boring compared to being a writer, photographer, artist, fitness trainer, editor etc... I find it far more interesting when people choose the path to happiness rather than the path to money. If only the bill collectors understood this! =)
My mum could never understand why after spending 10 years at university obtaining a PhD I took up a job as a secretary. It was my first paid job. Ever. I wasn't ashamed as I really wanted to stay in Tasmania (small island not many opportunities) and did I mention I got paid. But in the end through hard work my employers (uni again) saw potential and I have slowly but surely moved up and am now a science communication manager. Which is something I didn't see myself doing but do enjoy. Mum? She still only thinks there is 1 type of job at uni though. She asked me (in front of other visitors) "but you can be a University Lecturer". She hasn't done that in ages.
I admire your guts and determination Carin, and ironic sense of humour.
I've been chewing on that question for weeks now, after it was asked of me. Wrote about it but I'm still trying to come up with an answer that will appease the audience, you know? I was struggling not with feeling inferior to their positions but to find an answer they're content with. That isn't ideal either. But then I had a realization of doing the same thing to kids who have recently graduated high school and college. Their paths are all so different but there I was asking each of them what their plans were for fall, what college had they chosen, etc. All from a place of me being truly interested, but it's a lot of pressure for them to find an answer. And then I found an answer. My daughter was saying how she wanted to ask a family friend's kid how she was doing but didn't want to cause her discomfort. This 19 year old has struggled with anxiety and depression, barely got her GED, no diploma and often can't leave the house. So asking her what she's doing is awkward because often the answer is nothing and it makes her feel bad. That's when my light went on. My approach needs a shift. Find a way to connect that doesn't put someone on the spot. What books are being read, what they do for fun, have they cooked anything recently. This feels genuine and less threatening to me.
Now I just need to remember it instead of getting all tongue tied, which is what I usually do.
Kathy and Brittany,
"...I was struggling not with feeling inferior to their positions but to find an answer they're content with."
Agree. It's hard when you know how society views a stay-at-home mom...or a lawyer...or a high school graduate taking a year off before college. I've tried to avoid the "correct answer" with impressive lingo but then there have been times when they've come right out and asked my actual position...and THEN I look like I was hiding it out of embarrassment.
So, you're right...it isn't ideal.
But your solution, Kathy, is perfect.
Marian,
I was afraid I'd get patronizing comments...even though I know they wouldn't necessarily be intended to patronize. I don't want pity, but like to initiate conversation. And, I always feel better when I can laugh. I admire the path you have chosen despite the pressure to choose otherwise.
Thank you for what you said about guts and determination. It is nice to hear.
I only regret that I'm 8th in line to comment. You had me at hello. You had me laughing every step of the way and the only time I felt even close to tears was when I plugged into Bon Iver right now on Pandora and the lyrics "don't patronize me" came through my earplugs. You did so good here. Maybe it's because I heard the story as told by you. Then discussed the possible pitfalls in the telling. Then reading the story - every word - ever sentence - every bit and piece of punctuation - PITCH PERFECT. I am standing now in a coffee shop in Oxford, Mississippi. Applauding wildly. Waiting for an encore x
Um, I am a nanny. I have a degree and I am a glorified babysitter. ... but Rachel? I will seem wrestle you for her!
I hate having to tell people I work for my dad- because even though I've studied (two things that arn't what I do for my dad) I always feel like it illiminates all my hard work and makes me sound like I'm just the lazy girl who works for her dad (which isnt the case) Careers arnt forever anyway right? plus I like having more than one job aswell if I can.. My husband and I both do haha, not because we have to but because we love both jobs.. ok I'm preaching, mostly I just love people who arn't locked into zero change life is borning stance on careers..
I interviewed for the position of "Special Programs Coordinator". You know what I am, yep, a secretary! When people ask, "what do you do?" I say "I do whatever I am ask to..." You can safely say, Carin...YOU ARE a writer.
You are a writer.
You are.
I love that song! (the Bonnie Rait cover, right?)
Thank you; you say the best things.
Thank you, Jennifer!
this is great and i laughed so hard... and I guess the time when we are all feeling like yelling things out loud. I just did on my blog getting a bit of heat but hey... bring it. nothing like saying what you mean and mean what you say. Nothing like being unapologetically you.
Can't you just say you are a work in progress?
Hmmm ...it says something to me when meeting new people and they quickly let you know they all have graduate degrees. What is that all about?
Knowing you the way I do through your blog and Instagram, I am in awe of your talent for writing as well as your photographer's eye.
I also totally understood the social anxiety the situation put you in as I have had similar experiences at different times in my life around my education and career.
In my area the word secretary is no longer used. It is called administrative assistant. The women I know who hold these positions are just as knowledgable and work just as hard as the administrators. The administrators could no way handle the job without them,not to mention the job of covering their butts when needed!
The fact that more woman hold these positions is why the salaries are far below what they deserve!
We have come a long way baby, but still have a long way to go with equality in the workplace.
I love your honesty and perspective!
I read this before bed last night and then couldn't sleep thinking about my labels. I've always struggled to feel like I fit. I'm at the age that most women are mothers and I'm not one, I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend and four days a week a boring old admin assistant. Unfortunately, sometimes that's not good enough for people. Not everyone wants a degree or career, my time and focus is caring for the people I love, I have hobbies but they don't define me either.
Why do we have to be one thing, I think I prefer to be complex!
Thank you for sharing, I love the way you write.
Dibs on Maddow.
Carey...agree. I hope I'm never defined by my job...even when it looks good on paper and is brag-worthy.
Loving your job is priceless. I'm happy for you.
While some people have careers that resemble Up escalators, I've had one that resembles a chevron. We also don't use the word secretary anymore...it's "Assistant." And I've done it and climbed up one career path, decided to bail on it (working in IT,) started over as an assistant, climbed up again, decided to bail on that (working in the Hollywood creative side) started over as an assistant again, (working in Hollywood, business side,) got a lucky break with a lateral move and worked my way up again. And working as an assistant in Hollywood can be the ultimate in humiliation! When part of your job is picking up dog shit in someone's yard or running to the grocery store in the middle of the night to pick up frozen peas for some middle age diva to place on the bags under her eyes (both true stories, same employer.)
Be proud! You're a secretary (or assistant) FOR NOW and also a photographer and writer. Boom.
Sending warm vibes from LA.
My hair was so short once, I looked like Leonardo DiCaprio. It was not a good look for me. Love your honestly. Can't believe you did that freakin' relay!
Can't wait to have lunch soon, when I can get my lactating under control!
Carin, I just love you. Reading this was a breath of fresh air for me....being that I'm on my third marriage, have 4 cats, and take my young kids to (deemed inappropriate) rock concerts. What the what?! We are becoming an extinct group, us underachieving, mistake-making, blogging and picture-taking people. Don't change....us freaks and geeks need our kindred spirits. :-)
Damn, what is it about Maddow! It is a known fact in this household that if there was a she, she'd be it.
I don't do anything. I actually enjoy the awkwardness now. I thought of you at church the other day when the visiting pastor, in an attempt to connect with the audience, made some jokes about 'college days' that he thought we'd all relate to. Except I didn't....and neither did Jeff.
Not caring is golden.
I agree with Jennifer. You are, without a doubt, a writer.
I went to school, obtained degrees and titles only to toss it aside to do what (I think) fills my soul.
My Dad, who has always been a successful business man has always said to me, "I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up. . " It's true, I think life unfolds in a very un-linear fashion. I think we're doing good if we show up.
:)
I just want you to know that I do a happy dance when I see you've written.
oh gracious, always remember that the sanest and healthiest person in the room OFTEN looks like the craziest...or at least FEELS that way. you're looking through life without the bullshit glasses. continue on, chances are someone along the way will appreciate the hell out of it.
also, rachel eh, jOAN? YES.
A few years ago, I got my head shaved for cancer charity and I bore a striking resemblance to Beaker. Or was it the Swedish Chef? Either way, it certainly wasn't Demi Moore. This post of yours had me laughing out loud. Carin, what do you do? You make people want to meet you, that's what you do. Because you're fucking hilarious and real. Something no graduate degree can ever give anyone - you have it or you don't. Janita x
p.s. I'm a little bit in love with Joan.
I loved reading through all of these comments. I love whoever just wrote, "I don't do anything." Love that. LOVE THAT. I want to say that too, and not have anyone come back and say, "Oh but you DO, you play MUSIC or whatever." Everyone knew, before I even started, that I would bail on the Driver's Ed business, but I did it for two years and it was absolutely my favorite thing to be able to say when people asked me what I did. "I teach Driver's Ed". So weird and random. Right now I sometimes play music but mostly I stay home, watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and try to help my kids do whatever they want to do. It feels lifeless one moment and completely dynamic the next, and it is incredibly difficult to explain without sounding really super lame. But I really love my life right now and I'm grateful. Thank you for the post :)
This made me laugh!
Being authentic is what draws me to people, degree or no degree. Rock that secretary job! :)
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