Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Vulnerability = Community = Peace = Life.

I had a good day today. In fact, I've had a good week so far.

Last week was kinda...crappy.

Like Thursday.

I was shooting the Green Chemistry Conference all day in Ann Arbor. The flash on my camera was broken and the lighting was horrible. I was pushing buttons and changing settings left and right. Automatic. Manual. The director of the DEQ, who apparently knows me by name, was there. "Hey, Carin!" he said, with a big smile, "Ya gettin' some good shots?"

Sigh.

The governor was there.
Governor.
Of Michigan.

Along with press people with cameras and lenses much fancier than mine.
And, they were young.
Male.
Twentyish.
Hottish.

I can just hear them laughing on their way back to the newsroom.  "Did you hear the shutter speed on that poor girl's camera?!" "Dude! She didn't know what the F she was doing!" Followed by...raucous laughter. And, then all these award recipients were coming up to me with big smiles and business cards, asking me to send them the pictures I took of them with the governor. Damn, I kept thinking. Damn.  Nevertheless, I smiled.  And, tried to act like a badass.

During an off-duty breakout session, I found an empty room and called my mom in tears. And, then I rattled on about the rest of my life - which, quite frankly, feels anything but a dream, unless it's one where I'm running like hell and not moving.  And, she listened. Like she always does. Because she's a badass mom who never closes her eyes to my pain, even though I know it causes her the same.

Ok, here is the point in my post where I reread. And, then I delete. Because I worry someone is going to think I'm a victim or think that I perpetuate my circumstances.  Or, I'm afraid of rereading the next day and feeling, well...dumb. But, so often, I wish I'd blogged more throughout the last two years - just to look back and see how far I've come.  It would have been therapeutic. And then, of course, to help people. There's got to be another single mom out there with no money, shitty car, and not a lot of support who is up at midnight in tears googling single mom blogs - anything - just to feel like she's normal. Not alone. And not the cause of her circumstances. (Or maybe you're married...or without kids...fill in the blank...)

Because, let's face it.
Misery. Loves. Company.
No, I'm not miserable.
But, sometimes...life isn't dreamlike. Yes, we get back up. We brush ourselves off. We smile. But, what helps me through the crap is company.
Community.
Knowing...I'm not alone.

Scott Peck said, “There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.”

I'm confident my circumstances will change.  But, in the meantime, there are tough times.  I will keep smiling.  I will bust A to get ahead.  But, the beauty lies in knowing I am not alone, even though a lot of times, I feel like it.

So, here's to community.  Vulnerability.  Peace.  And, ultimately, this badass life.

Cheers.   

More about this week later...

30 comments:

Tracey said...

Hi there! I came across your blog through Kelle's blog. I just have to say .. I love this post, love love love it. There is nothing like reading 'real life' ups and downs, good and bad times. Keep going! It's an inspiration. x

Maria said...

Hi Carin~I'm a lurker. I've read from the beginning...you're not alone. We all have our moments & this little blog community I've become a part of is so inspiring, uplifting & sometimes, really needed. I know from struggles but I have an amazing support system, an umbelievably heaven sent family & great friends. Even through my darkest moments, I've always kept my eye on the bright side. It worked. Things are not ideal but I love where I am at the moment. You have those amazing girls & your phenomenal family & awesome friends..bright side..right around the corner. Keep believing.

Taylor K said...

Really good post. Just so you know.... I grew up with a single mom who was finishing her undergrad and graduate school the first five years of being divorced. So, from age 9-14 for me. There were countless nights I had to go to work with her (she was a waitress to make extra money) because she couldn't find/afford a sitter for me. There was a year she supported by brother and I on $10,000. TEN THOUSAND! Crazy, right? There were days we had to gather all of our change to go to the coinstar machine to buy ramen. But we got through it. And now we have way more money than we need, an INCREDIBLE relationship and a successful restaurant. So know that you're doing a good job and that you're doing everything you need to do to get through the muck. Keep it up, yo.

WillowBean said...

Don't worry, my friend, I'll keep you company on those days... the ones where you question your entire existence and how things came to be at that exact moment where, if one more thing bombs out on you, you are certain you are going to implode into a sobbing wrung-out ball of exhausted. That doesn't make you a victim, not at all. It makes you human. You never need to delete what makes you human... ever. You are awesome and definitely not alone.

Marian Hazel said...

I've felt the same way about sharing the tough bits of life on my blog, (all very 1st world issues) and am worried I will come across a bit depressive or petty or silly. But sometimes you just can't pretend all is going swimingly it would feel false, and you know what sometimes real life is a little shitty. But whenever I have shared something that has upset or worried me someone out there reads it and has just the right words. So please don't delete, I'm sorry last week was a bit crappy, you're so lucky to have a mother who you can ring like that! I sometimes still have to think of Miss Stacey in Anne of GG "tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it ". wishing you the best of weeks this week!

Barb said...

Honesty is always best. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other sister. Seems to me that this is your way to write. From the heart. No re reading, no deleting! :) Nice work.

Carin said...

Ahhh...company. community.

thank you, tracey...I needed to hear that.

and taylor k...smile...I LOVE that.

maria...since the beginning? really? thank you for lurking...thank you for coming out of the shadows :)

madi...I so love you. I am so glad you are in our family. You were meant to be in it.

hazel...you seem so cool. as does your hut. thank you for reading and thank you for your words. they helped me this morning. And Miss Stacy ROCKS.

barb...thank you for loving me through the good and bad. I love you so much.

Annie said...

So real. You come off as so strong, no matter where you are in your life. I'd love to read more posts, because your writing encourages and creates community.

Enchanted Momma said...

I found your blog through Kelle's, small world, though because I'm in Okemos.
You should remember what your girls are learning from you. They will be better people because of your hard work and determination. Money can't buy that, right?

Unknown said...

I don't like unsolicited advice, so please don't hear this as advice, but as part of the "community" relating.

I enjoyed this post. . . a lot. It reminded me of something my Dad said to me shortly after my Mom died. I asked him how we were ever going to get though this. I didn't understand, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. He said, "Summer, you just have to take one step at a time and keep moving forward. You may not feel like you are going anywhere, but after some time you will pause, look back, and see how far you've come."

I liked his words. They are true. I'm not "there" yet, but I'm further than I used to be. Your honesty in this post tells me. . .you continue to move forward.

Kudos for you!

Carin said...

Thank you, Annie!

E.M...no, money cannot buy that. :)

And, Summer...didn't sound like advice at all...as always, thank you for your kind words...they always seem so thoughtfully chosen.

Anonymous said...

I have thought a LOT about this post yesterday and all thru the night...I was a single mom for almost 7 years. Struggling with not one, but two full time jobs and going to school and trying to make the most out of my time with my daughter in the most impressionable years of her life...you learn so much about yourself through your children. Yours will see the struggles and sacrifices you have made for them, and it will show them what is most important in life. Family. Love. You are building their characters and I know things may feel like the entire world is crashing in on you and that you are doggy paddling the crap outta some water, but it gets better. And while it doesn't seem like it on the dark days, you WILL be better for it later. (I didn't believe that when I heard it either, but it's true). Thank you for having the courage to express your feelings the way you have - it may just help someone else do the same.

I want to share a verse with you that helps me (Romans 5:3-5) ...sometimes it is just little things that stick with us and just like reading this post yesterday stuck with me, we need the community to get us through. It takes a village, baby.

You will shake the funk. Then look out world!

Anonymous said...

I love this. Particularly loving WillowBean's "sobbing wrung out ball of exhausted." love you guys!

Carin said...

Thank you anonymous...agree...family and love is where it's at.

And, Emma, love and miss you.

LeeAnn said...

Glad you're blogging again. You continue to inspire others even in your shitty weeks. Your strength shines through.

Lena said...

I am glad you didn't hit delete.

I am sorry for the hard times you are facing right now. I am not a single mom, but I have had many friends in your situation over the years. I know you already know that things will get better, but the getting there is tough.

I am very moved by your honesty and emotions. Sending you positive energy.

I love M.Scott Peck and when I am facing hard times I think of the first line from A Road Less Traveled: "Life is difficult."

You are right on... it helps to know we are not alone.

Seanna said...

I am not a single mom (45 y/o married mom of three girls here) but I dig your blog. You are all right. That we are single/not single/mom/not a mom contributes to who we are, but it does not define us. Who you are seems to be quite good. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

now carie
how could it be
a shitty week
when u were
shooting the GOV
with young hotties
surrounding u
BET the last thing
on their minds
were not ur shutter speed
me thinks
the business cards
were meant way more 4
sharing photos
of just another politician

again
why worry what others think
wtf i always tell u
what matters is what u think
and if u think
u r doing the most u can
for u and the girls
don't waste ur energy
worrying about
insignificant things

u r never alone
whom ever
how far
so many carry u
in their hearts 4 ever

thing of the positives
of that badass life
u r reaching towards
us married
me 26 years
have the same old
same old

i could give u
a host of positive reasons
being away from a shitty marriage
is the best thing ever

yes being married is great
but not all the time
uj loose some freedom
in identity
in spontaneous fun times

open ur eyes
u r surrounded
by a great community
and when life feels
like shit
purge it
write it out
helps a ton

of course
we will continue
these conversations
WHEN U COME TO DHAKA

miss u
and love u forever
xoxo rosie

Anonymous said...

now carie
how could it be
a shitty week
when u were
shooting the GOV
with young hotties
surrounding u
BET the last thing
on their minds
were not ur shutter speed
me thinks
the business cards
were meant way more 4
sharing photos
of just another politician

again
why worry what others think
wtf i always tell u
what matters is what u think
and if u think
u r doing the most u can
for u and the girls
don't waste ur energy
worrying about
insignificant things

u r never alone
whom ever
how far
so many carry u
in their hearts 4 ever

thing of the positives
of that badass life
u r reaching towards
us married
me 26 years
have the same old
same old

i could give u
a host of positive reasons
being away from a shitty marriage
is the best thing ever

yes being married is great
but not all the time
uj loose some freedom
in identity
in spontaneous fun times

open ur eyes
u r surrounded
by a great community
and when life feels
like shit
purge it
write it out
helps a ton

of course
we will continue
these conversations
WHEN U COME TO DHAKA

miss u
and love u forever
xoxo rosie

Anonymous said...

now carie
how could it be
a shitty week
when u were
shooting the GOV
with young hotties
surrounding u
BET the last thing
on their minds
were not ur shutter speed
me thinks
the business cards
were meant way more 4
sharing photos
of just another politician

again
why worry what others think
wtf i always tell u
what matters is what u think
and if u think
u r doing the most u can
for u and the girls
don't waste ur energy
worrying about
insignificant things

u r never alone
whom ever
how far
so many carry u
in their hearts 4 ever

thing of the positives
of that badass life
u r reaching towards
us married
me 26 years
have the same old
same old

i could give u
a host of positive reasons
being away from a shitty marriage
is the best thing ever

yes being married is great
but not all the time
uj loose some freedom
in identity
in spontaneous fun times

open ur eyes
u r surrounded
by a great community
and when life feels
like shit
purge it
write it out
helps a ton

of course
we will continue
these conversations
WHEN U COME TO DHAKA

miss u
and love u forever
xoxo rosie

Anonymous said...

why did it print twice?
maybe i'm trying to tell u something
oh well
xoxo rosa

Carin said...

never said I wanted to get married :)

Anonymous said...

Does being up at 4am in tears, googling, waiting for the "I Love Lucy" reruns to begin (so I can laugh at SOMETHING aside from the state of my hair at the moment)....does that count?

xo

Anonymous said...

funny one c
i never said
marriage 4 u
it's u who goes there
not me
i keep saying
test as many cars
before u buy
love u
xoxo rosa

Joann said...

Thank you for honesty. There's not enough of it in this world. I love you.

Janita said...

This got me. "Because she's a badass mom who never closes her eyes to my pain, even though I know it causes her the same." I wanna be that kind of Mom. I have a feeling you are that kind of Mom. I'd like to think that in the end, we're going to be remembered for how we loved so that already makes you a winner. EVERY DAY. Let that land on you. As for shitty days, hell, I've had my share as well. But better to have showed up, even if it's for a fifth place ribbon (why do those always have a sucky-ass colour?!), then to never even kit up and head out. I think you're wonderful. Why, you ask? Cause you're honest, brilliant and REAL. That comes through loud and clear in your writing. Makes me feel like I'm listening to a friend.

http://www.postcardsneverwritten.blogspot.com/

phyllis nobles said...

I love your blog so much. I read it through from start to finish and so enjoy your style of writing and your honest voice, and I know it's not really about me but I, too, have had a similar path, and I saw so much of my two daughters and my life within yours. You are totally badass and you rock xx

Anonymous said...

Nice, thoughtful stuff, Carin. I feel your struggle, but note the progress you've made,too. We are rooting for you in BD.

Ace said...

I'm not a single mom. I am carrying our first child, very in love with my husband, and getting adjusted to 1. Getting out of the military, 2. My husband's new-ish brain damage, which we still discover every day, 3. Being kind of homeless, living in a camper in Alaska til we can get back to Michigan, 4. Having faith that we can make it, and we will somehow make a beautiful life with our child. I also found your blog through your sister's and found lots of hope through her blog, but I found I had a hard time relating. I know I don't know her (or anyone on the internet) personally, but she [seems to] come with total optimism all the time, and that's never been my starting point. I have to work my ass off and totally change the way my brain works to get there. I am glad for posts that say "Life isn't perfect, I'm not perfect. But I'm still making it."

You are awesome and you are blessed and you lend hope to women everywhere who might not come from a place of optimism. Thank you for being honest.

Carin said...

Ace...thanks for the comment. I'm glad you can relate. I think we're all moved and inspired by different stuff...and, like you, I'm inspired by honest and raw. I think in the end, we're all the same inside...hopes and dreams and fears...and it's comforting to see and feel that.

I'm glad I could help you not feel alone.

Stay warm. And, hooray for coming back to Michigan someday :)

carin